Someone once owed a company I worked for money. Their defense basically consisted of: “I have always paid my debtors in the past and I’ll pay you guys.” Our lawyer’s response was “what does your payment history with others have to do with your debt to us?”

Using examples not related to you (for lack of a catchier term) is an old negotiating trick that works surprisingly well. How many of us who have had bad dating experiences may have heard the line “I have treated all of my girlfriends/boyfriends well” only to be treated poorly? Alternatively, the smooth salesperson always uses the “I have sold hundreds/thousands of these widgets/big ticket items/mutual funds and all my clients are happy.”

If one really broke down this types of lines, two problems immediately come to mind. Unless you happen to have a really small social circle or live in a small town, it would be difficult to verify whether your partner has actually treated all his former partners well (…and, regardless, would you really want to know how many ex’s he/she had?) or whether the salesperson actually had hundreds or thousands of satisfied customers. Thus, there is foremost a credibility/verifiability issue or, quite simply, it is a throw-away comment with little substance.

Secondly, and more importantly, what does this really have to do with you? Maybe your boyfriend thought he treated his ex girlfriends well because they had low self-esteem or low standards and you deserve better. Maybe the salesperson sold a whole bunch of cars to people who knew little about cars but you are a car fanatic.

The fundamental issue is that these types of statements have little context to your current situation so using a broad based example really does not meet your needs per se. Even if a financial advisor told you he averaged 12% return a year for his clients, it may not be applicable to you. Perhaps, the stellar return was due to a risk-reward factor you are unwilling to undertake.

The closely related cousin to this line is “Ms. X bought this mutual fund yesterday” with the implication being that since someone you know bought the product it should be good enough for you.  Again, they are attempting to encourage a call to action by citing an example which is not related to you (chances are that similarities between Ms. X and yourself, past the superficial, are not as close as one thinks).

The exception to this line is if you have repeatedly had interaction with this person and the examples they are using do apply to you. For example, a real estate agent had acted for your family in the sale of many homes and was always competent, caring and responsive. In that case, “I have always treated all my clients well” does apply since it can be verified and you actually fall in the example they are citing.

Otherwise, citing examples not applicable to you and which generally cannot be verified should be taken with a grain of salt.

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